(NB of course I wrote this only hours before I found out that *someone* DIDN’T dump his girlfriend/piece/whatever she is for Ramadan. I stand corrected. Staying with the girl is still kinda skeevy during Ramadan. Especially if the girl in question is kinda skeevy to start with.)
Many years ago, when I lived in Zurich, I had a conversation with a girl that went a little like this:
“Wow, you’re Muslim? That is so cool! My boyfriend is soooo cute and he’s Muslim too! We’ve been going out for a while but I am kinda freaking out because he said he won’t call me for a month but not to worry. What are Muslim men like? Do you think he has another girlfriend, or that he just doesn’t know how to dump me?”
“Oh no, honey,” I said, “He’s just got a touch of the Ramadan Guilt.”
This ummah and our collective Ramadan Guilt never cease to amaze me. I don’t know why some our our most laid-back-let’s-take-a-few-liberties-with-the-religion members suddenly turn Taliban because ZOMGS IZ RAMADAN. No more sex. No more booze. No more ham sammiches. Because during Ramadan we gotta have our stuff on LOCK.
Some would argue that it is good that people try to “wise up” during Ramadan and be conscious of what they need to do for their faith. But for me there is a fine line between “trying to do better” and “hypocrisy.” Is dumping your girlfriend for Ramadan to get back right together with her after Eid a real conscious effort to do better? But don’t get me wrong- like our Champagne Brother in my last post, I’m not judging. I’m not gonna front like I have never been down that road. I just don’t understand why something someone is able to justify outside of Ramadan becomes impossible to justify this month. And call me crazy, but from a dawah standpoint, what are these dudes teaching their girlfriends about Islam if he’s all like, “Sorry honey, my religion says I can’t hang out with you for a month, see you in October” ? Because that is what pisses me off the most: OWN YOUR RELIGION PEOPLE. Never forget that for some people we may be one of the few Muslims they get to interact with. Find another reason not to fuck around, I don’t know- “Sorry honey, I gotta do night prayers tonight so I need my ghusl?” I’m tired of the hypocrisy.
But enough about the brothers. I don’t have to hate on boys anymore because Pablito gives me all the love and attention I need. One of my favorite pillars of Ramadan Guilt is the good old “If you don’t pray on time during Ramadan, your fast is invalid.” Um, prayer is a pillar of Islam and fasting is a pillar of Islam. But prayer isn’t a condition of fasting. If you’re not into praying, why are you going to jump right in because you are fasting?
I’ve argued for hours on this (and I almost never argue points of religion) because I found the conclusions so ludicrous, like if you miss fajr you can’t fast, if you don’t have ghusl at fajr you can’t fast… All kinds of reasons which have nothing to do with the fast… STOP THE INSANITY! Why can’t people just use Ramadan to take an honest look at themselves and their faith and their lives rather than going through the motions for 30 days like it means something?
Anyone remember the Chris Rock skit where he was talking to a girl about her man and she was all like “But he ain’t been in jail” and he was all like, “People aren’t supposed to go to jail, you don’t get a cookie for not going to jail” ? I’m not gonna give some dude a cookie because he stopped having sex for Ramadan. No can do.