People always say that looking back on their divorce, they can always see what they could have done differently, or how one small change could have stopped the whole thing from unraveling. I still don’t have the answers because the wounds are still fresh, but one thing I have learned from my marriage and its dissolution is to LET GO. Or as the French say, “lâcher prise.”
I spent ten years being controlled and watched like a hawk. I was told what to wear, how to sit, where to sit, how to hold my silverware and even how to brush my hair. It changed the way I related to people. Because I found myself in a situation where I had, seemingly so easily, given up control, I subconsciously expected people to in turn let me control them because I no longer had the right to control myself. I was so angry at myself for getting myself into a situation where I felt trapped, and in turn I was angry at those friends who wouldn’t let me control them. I would be pissed off about the silliest things- lateness, cancelling at the last minute, a missed phone call…because things weren’t going as I had planned them and I no longer felt I had control.
One of the nicest things about my annus horribilis is that I have taken the time to step back with my friends, both new and old, and stop trying to control them. I let them come and go, like cats. I accept and delight in their quirks. I have beautiful, weird friends who are all unique in strange ways. The end result is that I now have these amazing people in my life who want to be there, people who like me, and the people who aren’t meant for me are no longer around because I have stopped trying to control them and the relationship. It is a good feeling. The new friends and the new friendships I have been able to build in the past six months restore my faith in humanity and have taught me things I did not even know were possible just a year ago. New friends are what I am grateful for this Ramadan.