This Week on teh Interwebs


Friendly reminder on LGBT issues and LGBT Muslims

As a friendly reminder- I will not tolerate any negative comments that go beyond polite discussion on LGBT issues and especially LGBT Muslim issues in any of the fora in which I participate, be it here, Twitter or FB or on my other blogs. I judge you in private. And now in public.

To rehash something I have already said in a private forum, My position on LGBT Muslims is simple, I want them to identify as Muslim. I don’t particularly care who they sleep with. Islam teaches me that other people’s sex lives aren’t my biznass. I’m tired of jobless no-good, welfare-cheating, multiple-wife-beating ignorant scrubs (all also “forbidden” in Islam) being able to hold their head up high at jummah and dirty MY religion by being called a good brother when we, as a community, don’t have any more answers for LGBT Muslims other than “ZOMGS teh Islamz sez being gay is HARAAAAAAAAAAM.” I’m over it. It’s the same head-up-the-ass type of philosophy that people apply to

-Muslims engaging in politics or political activism (ZOMGS teh Islamz says No Politics Without Khalifah don’t talk to TEH KUFFAR)

-Muslims engaging in interfaith dialogue (ZOMGS teh Islamz is the final monotheistic religion, talking to TEH KUFFAR makes us TEH KUFFAR ASTARGHFIRULLAH)

-Muslims glossing over Domestic Violence issues in the community: “in Islam our Prophet Salla Allahou Alaihi wa Sallam was the best of examples, so all your husband needs to do to stop beating you is follow the religion. Have some sabr sister (and lose weight/stop nagging/clean more/cook better so that he will stop beating you), but DON’T go to counseling or a mental health professional or a DV shelter or anything because teh Islamz says that is HARAAAAAM.”

I don’t care whether you believe being LGBT is a choice or not a choice. It’s about recognizing the fact that LGBT Muslims EXIST, have a right to exist as members of humanity, and recognizing that our ummah has to do better to make sure all Muslims are in the fold. And by in the fold, I don’t mean “on the haqq.” In the fold means “Islam is for everyone.” We do not have an exclusive right on Islam, and it is poor dawah to think otherwise. And very, very very few of us are specialists in doctrine. I don’t want any of you assholes to go google Bukhari or something, I can do that myself. We, as simple Muslims, are not here to decide who is and isn’t burning in the hellfire. The stuff we learn about the religion is first to be applied to ourselves, but sadly people we Muslims never check ourselves and instead go and google Bukhari to spread namimah and be all Judgy McJudgerson.

What’s my final point? Sticking our heads up our collective asses as an ummah is why Islam and Muslims have a major PR problem. There’s a way to “enjoin the good and forbid the evil” without being a bigoted, close-minded asshole. What breaks my heart the most is that LGBT people of Muslim culture usually just wind up not being Muslim any more and LGBT people not from Muslim backgrounds have absolutely no reason to convert given the current state of affairs. Our goal as Muslims, as a I have said countless times before, is threefold: 1) check our own Islam; 2) make the Muslims around us happy to be Muslim and treat them in the way Islam tells us to do (regardless of their supposed “shortcomings’); 3) make people around us who aren’t Muslim think Islam is pretty cool by being examples of human deceny, kindness and fair treatment. We are failing BIG TIME on all three as an ummah.


Some people just don’t get it

Had a conversation this weekend with a Muslim friend of mine who means a lot to me. We disagree a lot on Islam, however, and our latest conversation was no exception.

“Yeah so I met this brother the other day and he was going on and on about how he bought an apartment for his mom and he is bringing her down for Ramadan so I thought he was a good brother, right? Then I saw him having champagne at a office party and I was like, soooo hurt. And he always acts like he doesn’t want to hang out with us, he never comes to jummah with the crew. ”

Well maybe he is a good brother, I said. Maybe he has a little weakness for the sauce (been there). Look at all the stuff he is doing for his mom. He can’t be all bad, I argued.

“Well where is the logic in drinking champagne and then going on and on about Ramadan?” Friend asked.

I wanted to cut the conversation short because we had been down this road before (whereby I pull out my “judgemental Muslims who live in glass houses really fucking piss me off” card) and politely asked to change the subject.

Friend wouldn’t let go. Said, “No, before we stop the conversation, what is the logic of someone who does Ramadan but drinks?”

OH. HELLZ. TO. THE. NO. Let’s go:

1. What is the logic of some asshole who beats his wife or cheats on her but goes to jummah every Friday? The brothers at the masjid probably think he is a mighty fine brother because he never misses a week. Look at homie, he does all five prayers and doesn’t drink, ma sha Allah! I’m supposed to give him a cookie for that? I mean, I’m just saying. It’s not like being booze-free=holy pious.

2. RAMADAN IS A PILLAR OF ISLAM. That means it is incumbent upon all responsible Muslims. That means NO EXCUSES. Alcoholics don’t get a free pass out of Ramadan. So I am going to go down the road of thinking that this champagne drinking-dude said his shahada and he is doing his Ramadan like people are supposed to. So tell me, holy pious dude, is our drinking buddy not supposed to do Ramadan or pray because he drinks? Astarghfirullah. And yes, I know the hadith about the prayers not being accepted if alcohol is in the stomach or the person is intoxicated but are you still telling me that you would tell a Muslim not to PRAY? Are you effing kidding me?

3. One of our goals as Muslims is to make other people wanna be Muslim and make other Muslims happy to be Muslim (see: dawah.) I don’t know how you can give dawah to someone when you are being all Hypocrite Judgy McJudgerson. What problems do you have in your black, black heart which only Allah swt sees and are far more toxic than a glass of bubbly? And you know what? Champagne dude is probably feeling the judgement which is why he doesn’t want to hang out with the Muslims.

In my limited experience (still a good ten years) as a Muslim, I have seen more people turned away from Islam due to hypocrisy and judgemental behavior on the part of the Muslims that were supposed to love and protect them and form their communities. I know a sister born into a Muslim family with practicing parents. She goes to the mosque one Eid as a teenager and the Holy Pious Police start bitching about her hijab, about how she prays, about bacon or skittles or who knows what and guess what? Sister has never been back. I don’t know if she even identifies as a Muslim any more. High five to the peanut gallery at the mosque for enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. People are responsible for their own religious choices, I’ve been through a messy situation with the Muslims in my personal life and I chose to stay where others would have left, but that is my point: being one of the causes for turning someone against Islam rather than bringing that person to Islam is SERIOUS BUSINESS on the Day of Judgement y’all. Don’t forget it. That is why the Prophet (saw) enjoined Muslims to be on their best behavior. And isn’t it sad that, again in my ten years as a Muslim, the biggest assholes with the blackest hearts I have met were the ones who were prayer police, hijab police and pig police. The Muslims with the biggest hearts were ones who the Holy Pious Crew would judge for drinking, no hijab, having a boyfriend, whatever. I, like most people, follow the philosophy of “Do as I say not as I do” doesn’t even work for kids, and if you aren’t walking the walk, STFU. I don’t want to hear someone talk to me about how champagne is bad when I know for damn well he has a couple girlfriends on the side. There are very, very, very few people (I can count about five, and two of them are Imams) I allow to give me “constructive criticism” in deen.

So what would I have done had I seen the brother drinking champagne? I would have gone and talked to him, given him a big salam, and invited him and his momma over for dinner. If he made some excuses about his beverage, I would have just said, “I gave you my salams, what you do is between you and God, and if you ever wanna talk deen, I’m here. And in the meantime, come over for iftar.”

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Fadela Amara makes selling out an art form

…and she gets extra points for selling out the global sisterhood. Leave it to a woman to shove the knife in deeper another woman’s back.

This is part of my installment of old posts from 2008 and early 2009 which I have chosen to republish. Some links may be dead and I will try to fix them as I go. This particular post was written during the European elections fiasco when Rachida Dati wound up leaving the government and so on.

Now I am not a fan of Rama Yade, I question the sanity of anyone who chooses of their own free will to be part of the UMP and join a government led by Nicolas Sarkozy but whatevers, we all have ambition, right?

What I am not down with is the fact that Rama Yade is now getting thrown under the bus big time. So is Rachida Dati, but I have slightly less sympathy for her because I think Rachida truly harbors facist sentiment (whereas I think Rama Yade is just ambitious and would be doing the same stuff if the PS ever got its butt in gear and was in power) but that is another story for another time. Back to my girl Rama Yade. Poor Rama fell out of favor with King Nicolas 1er because she didn’t run for European elections, and as such he decreed that all people who give interviews should take turns throwing her under the bus. First was our friend Bernard Kouchner (don’t get me started on that hot mess) who, while at the same time is her mentor in the goverment, questioned why Rama Yade’s position as a cabinet post existed in the first place. Good job, Dr Death. Then some dumbass random rich old dude politician who no one would have ever heard of had he not said some truly sexist, bigoted bullshit (and because he does not deserve the publicity I will NOT link to his name)about how King Nick put Rama Yade in the government and hoped to “get a return on his investment.” Um, women in government is not the stock market. Anyways. Then Fadela Amara had to open her Straight Talk Express where it wasn’t necessary or helpful, and said that Rama Yade should have taken King Nick’s benevolent advice and golly gee, minority women have to take all the chances they can get to take on extra responsibility and gain exposure and blah blah blah and oh how she wishes that when she was in the PS that someone would have given her the chance to run for office.

Gag me with a spoon. Now Rama Yade evidently declined to stand for European elections because she felt she couldn’t give her 100% to either mandate, which pissed off King Nick. Here’s my take- there’s no such thing as a disinterested gift. I think Rama Yade was going to get thrown under the bus by Sarkogoebbels no matter what and she called his bluff on the election thing. And anyway, her excuse is a good one- I am so freakin tired of French and Swiss politicians collecting mandates, they can never do their freakin jobs. I personally think being a cabinet minister can be a full time job.

As for Ms. Amara, did she ever stop to think for just one second that sometimes shutting up is best for everyone? Or is she jockeying for position as the Head Token Minority in the governemnt now because Rachida Dati is out and she thought she could get Rama Yade while she was down? Is she trying to take the heat off the fact that Sarko himself had a cranky moment about how Fadela’s project is like a year behind? I mean, let’s admit for a moment that there are truisms to what Ms. Amara is saying- it is harder for minorities to get into government, but it is almost like she is saying they should be “grateful” to be there when she goes on about how she would love to have that kind of opportunity. Then there’s the age-old problem of women selling out women. There is no such thing as bros before hos with girls.

The only person to stand up for Ms. Yade, and rightfully so, was a surprisingly-sane-for-a-UMP member, a chick named Francoise Hostalier. She straight up went on the radio and to newspapers and said cash, “WTF, why y’all throwing Rama Yade under the bus?” Ok so she didn’t say WTF but she completely spelled it out like that and said it was straight-up SHAMEFUL. Dude if I lived in the 59 I would vote for her. Way to go Fadela, let Francoise Hostalier show you how you take care of your colleagues. BTW Francoise Hostelier got a link because she was the only one not talking BS.


Another fool making Muslims look bad

This is part of my installment of old posts from 2008 and early 2009 which I have chosen to republish. Some links may be dead and I will try to fix them as I go.

High five to this moron. We have yet another case of a Muslim father bugging out on a male obstetrician in the ER in France. It was on the 8pm news but I haven’t found a link yet. Essentially the proud father bugged out because the only doctor on duty was a man and when Big Beard found that out, he slapped the doctor. Right on, dude. NOT. I’ve blogged about this before but I just gotta vent here. When are we as an ummah going to get it?!

For those of you beard twisters who haven’t yet gotten the memo about what happens in French hospitals:

1. You want special treatment in a French hospital? Gotta pay. Sign your wife up at a private clinic and open your wallet. Free healthcare is a myth, even in the supposedly socialized medicine paradise that is France. If you’re paying in France, you will have the doctor you want. Private room even. Oh yeah, I forgot, private insurance healthcare policies are horrible nasty riba! So please don’t expect that the free medicine from the koofar has to be tailored to your exact specifications.

2. Despite the best laid plans, your wife went into labor and it is complicated, random, away from home, whatever. Do you want your child to be born or not? Because if you’re sitting in the free hospital ER and the doc on duty is a man, you’ve got some decisions to make. Either pick up and take your wife to the closest private clinic (assuming they will take you) or sit back and ma sha Allah hou can. Ain’t no harm in asking, “Hey can the female nurse on duty do this under your instruction” but if the answer is negative, please don’t beat down the doctor.

3. I would really, really like Muslims to think about our collective public image. Incha Allah, when I have a child, I would like to be the only person throwing punches in the delivery room…no seriously, I think people need to be worrying about HELLO THE LADY IN THE CORNER OVER THERE WITH A BABY COMING OUT and not beating down the doctor.

4. Finally, the poor wife meskina! The last thing I would want being in labor would be my husband acting like a total ass. As the daughter of a healthcare provider ER veteran, I honestly would be ashamed to bear the child of someone ignorant enough to beat down a healthcare professional. And call me selfish, but don’t you think that being in labor is one time where you can legitimately expect to be the center of attention? That’s the part that gets me- not only was the husband acting like a damn fool, he was acting like a spoiled baby and putting all the attention on him.

Oh the shame. The shame.