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Almost got pickpocketed in the train

19 January 2012 by Nicole Cunningham

Today I was in the train going from Zurich to Lausanne and I fell asleep holding my purse with a death grip (New Orleans in me), but next to me in the aisle seat I had my lunch bag (only my bento and my phone charger).

I woke up in between Fribourg and Lausanne to someone slamming down in the seat next to me where my bento should have been and two other guys in the aisle. I said to him “you’re sitting on my bag” and he said “no, I put it across from you.” This train was empty, he had no reason to sit next to me when he could sit across from me. He had tried to do a walk by with my lunch bag and the lady across the aisle yelled, at which point he threw the bag across and sat next to me as if he “wanted to sit there” and that is when I woke up. He had two friends about two meters away and then he walked off to join them within five seconds of slamming down.

I go to the conductor to tell them that there are a band of pickpockets in this train- he doesn’t speak French (!!!!!!!!! another story for another thread) and told me to go to the people in the train station because at this point we were in Lausanne.

I get off the train and go to the gendarmerie in the train station. I explain my story, say I just want to give a heads-up so if someone comes in with a story from the same train, told them what train it was on and when, and the cop cut me off and asked me where the dudes were from. So I said they were North African kids. At which point I got twenty minutes of how Islam doesn’t respect women or human rights and that cultures are so different and how things have gotten worse lately with the Algerians and the Moroccans but actually the Tunisians are ok because they haven’t learned how to steal yet but a lot of times people beat their wives, especially Yugos and Kosovar men don’t let their wives leave the house and in Muslim cultures men need to be in charge so they steal and Turks are a little weird but ok…I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say and couldn’t get a word in edgewise anyway. That’ll learn me to go talk to cops. I mean, he was extremely friendly and nice and professional, except for the words coming out of his mouth.

How do y’all talk back to stuff like that?

So yeah, anyway, hold on to your bags in those intercity trains.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

Does anyone not yet know how awesome Pablito is?

14 January 2012 by Nicole Cunningham

After a long four months of crying every time I left him and crying when I couldn’t see him and crying when I saw him for the first time after a few days, aka A LOT OF CRYING Pablito finally moved up to Zurich with me. For the occasion he got a nifty new carrier with a shoulder strap, so I had him close to me the whole time, so he was warm and toasty. That beast is heavy though, even with the diet, 7 kilos of cat on my shoulder was PAINFUL, especially schlepping through Piripoumesdorf.

One of the things that made me wait so long is that I’m still not really settled up here. A lot of my life is in Lausanne and will be for a while yet. Also, he was living in “his house” with my roommate and I thought it best at the time that he keep familiar surroundings and have a daily presence rather than come up to an empty apartment in Zurich where I’m not always all there. Finally, I was majorly stressing about how bad the journey would be for him, I hated the idea of making him sit either in a car or a train for 3.5 hours door-to-door (apartment to bus to train station to train, two hours in train, train to burbs, bus from suburban train station to apartment).

I wound up taking the train. This was for several reasons. First, I had called in all the car favors I wanted to call in, and good taste prevented me from asking Marisa, or Sandra, or Chris or anyone else for yet another car ride (I’m going to save my car capital for an Ikea trip, har har). Secondly, although opinion was divided, I felt the train would be less stop-start than the little changes in speed a car makes. Finally, I get really carsick but don’t get train-sick unless I am facing the wrong way. So I felt like I would be 100% able to cope better in the train if something did go wrong.

And I must confess here I had no faith in Pablito’s resilience and I was very wrong in my assessment of his ability to handle the trip. I was sure he would howl and puke and just be the vile, aggravating pest he is known to be when faced with situations he doesn’t like at home. I was stressing out about him stressing out. What happened in the end were a few bitchy, guilt-trippy meows if I talked too much (Raphael told me I shouldn’t talk to him so I didn’t for most of the trip, very good tip) and some stares from the depths of his bag which still make me cry because I hated locking him up, but hey. After sniffing around his new digs (he has his OWN ROOM and his Katzenbaum arrives tomorrow), he has stretched out on the couch, purring contentedly. No poo poo or pee pee drama, he has gone both times in the box (I set up his litter box quickly before letting him out of his carrier), no puke, no drama.

So in all reality, the trip was fine, even better than fine, good beyond all expectations, at least until Zurich HB. Once in Zurich Something was wrong with the S9/S15 and our train was packed full due to two trains being cancelled beforehand. Which meant that the bus I normally take to my house was full of screaming teenagers who had missed the earlier trains. So we took a shorter bus and detoured into the local Coop for five minutes to get last minute items and walked the rest of the way home. Getting off the bus, some asshole pushed me (broken foot) and my cat (in an obvious animal carrier) to get out of the bus first. The stores weren’t closing, and when I saw him walking by Coop I was like “ooh you had an urgent appointment” and gave him the side eye. I need to stop yelling at people with a cat in a bag on my shoulder though, I need to protect my reputation, especially in a small town. No one has to know I’m a crazy cat lady but the Internets.

Speaking of Pablito, while he was doing his Great Migration today, he was also on the TSR, because he is awesome like that. I’m telling y’all he is worldwide.

Posted in pablito | 4 Comments »

Some musings on kids and divorce in the Muslim community

9 January 2012 by Nicole Cunningham

Divorced Muslim women get treated like damaged goods. Divorced converts get treated worse than dogs. How many of us have stories from the masjid about how, because we are now outlet mall sloppy seconds we are only good in our masajid for being married off to the ex-con, drug addict/mental case, or the dude who needs papers and doesn’t even speak English?

Of course, if we say something about how unfair this all this, at best we get a “beggars can’t be choosy” remark, or at worst we get some platitudes about chaste virgins.

Since the dudes are so picky with me, I am picky with them. Call me unfair, but guess what, my life as a been around the block convert at the bottom of the matrimonial pile IS UNFAIR.

I would prefer a dude with no kids. I don’t have any so there you are. But the one rule I have is I won’t consider a dude with young kids. By young I mean under 3. I’m more likely to consider a dude with 7-9 year old kids, and a dude with kids who are old and out of the house are almost on equal footing with dudes who have no kids. A dude with young kids is pretty much a no-go and the only way to go there would be everything else has to add up and be squeaky clean. This is for several reasons.

1. In a short-ish marriage, you aren’t sure if things aren’t going to work out pretty early on so you protect yourself. Here I am talking about a scenario with a dude who was married a couple years and has a young kid or two. I understand marriages fall apart and being widowed happens and condoms break etc etc, I want to know what a dude’s intentions were (because it takes two to tango) to have children in a less than stable or not fully developed relationship and then leave that relationship before the kids are old enough to even know what family is (again, we are talking about under 3). What implications does that have should he choose to procreate with me?

2. Any dude with young kids who offers up a possible explanation as to why he says he has a “crazy” ex baby momma is suspect for me. This raises two big red flag possibilities: a) he is an abuser and ALL HIS EXES ARE CRAZY AND HE IS PERFECT; b) he is way out on the family interference tip and married a crazy person/had babies with her to placate his family. I have been known to badmouth dude, but I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS said that what went down was my fault as much as his, and I consistently bring up his qualities and good points (of which he has many, notably his extreme generosity). Give him a ma sha Allah, he has the potential to be a great husband. Point is, when you talk to me, my anger is qualified and nuanced. If a dude thinks his ex baby momma is a “crazy bitch” with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, I’m outta there.

3. Coming from a blended family, I’m not convinced that equal treatment always happens or works in practice. Even when people try their best. I’ve seen it in my own family, where everyone was full of good intentions but it didn’t always translate to reality. Wanting to do the right thing and doing the right thing are two different things. And in case you can’t read between the lines, I’m talking about myself as a step-parent: I’m not confident for myself, much less for other people. I want to know why your marriage was so bad you took the chance on raising your kids with someone else. Or not raising them at all and letting some other dude raise them. More specifically, why are you going to do that to a kid who is too young to even remember what mommy and daddy together is like?

4. Now you will say that I’m speaking in gendered ways and that if you replace dude with chick, I would never say the same thing (a woman with a crazy ex is crazy, etc). Check yourself, because being a baby mommma is different from having a baby momma. Dudes get remarried. Women don’t. Or they do, but to scrubs or FOBs. Women get it shoved down our throats that having children is like ALL OF TEH ISLAMZ AND ZOMG WE ARENT REAL MUSLIMAHS WITHOUT KIDS but then the whole Paradise Beneath Her Feet is bullshit when the dude leaves as far as the community is concerned. Single mothers aren’t revered but men get second and third and fourth chances and leave a string of babies in their wakes. My GREATEST FEAR is being left to carry the can as a single mother of a young child with an absent father and I want to know why a “good Muslim brother” has a baby momma whose chances of getting remarried in the community now are slimmer than mine.

5. People say I am CF. That isn’t true. I identify with some aspects of the CF community. I don’t think having kids is a “human right”- why are you going to bring a human being into this world just to feed your ego’s desire to spread your genes or whatever? I don’t understand what people talk about with this “biological need” to have bio kids. I literally do not understand it because I have never felt that way. I don’t feel like less of a person because I may not have any. I’m not arrogant enough to think I will leave a legacy in this dunya, so leaving a “piece of me” isn’t appealing either. The only thing we take with us to the grave are our good actions. That is just how I am, and that is why I call bullshit any dude who comes at me with the whole spreading his seed biznass. If that is how you feel fine, I can admit that some people “feel the need” even if some people can’t see my POV, but if we disagree on something so fundamental that is a reason in itself not to make babees anyway. I think you make the choice to have kids when you are in a good relationship and a good situation, and those two elements provide a strong foundation for when things go bad financially or personally.

6. Which leads me to another point: I listened to my gut and, at great detriment to me personally, chose not to have kids when I saw my marriage wasn’t stable even though we could have easily financially taken care of several kids. I made that sacrifice even though it now means I may never have kids. Let me say that again: I CHOSE NOT TO HAVE KIDS IN A LESS THAN OPTIMAL MARRIAGE EVEN THOUGH I MAy HAVE SIGNED AWAY MY CHANCES AT BIO CHILDREN. I want to know why a guy was so hell bent on having bio kids- is it because he is a “cultural” Muslim whereby everyone’s worth is based on their ability to procreate? Did his family force him into it? Did his “crazy bitch” ex poke holes in the condoms? What made him make the decision to go ahead and have kids?

7. I’m only 33, why am I talking like I’m pre-menopausal and will never have sex again and never ever be able to have babies? Maybe that is because, as I mentioned above, divorced Muslimahs and divorced convert Muslimahs are at the bottom of the marriage pile. Way to go, Muslim brothers, way to go. Get those virgins and go P, but let’s forget about the divorced sisters. I get why sisters leave Islam after a first failed marriage. I’m not saying it is right, I’m saying the ummah sucks and check yourself before you start blaming ex-Muslims. Anyway, if my first shot at my best marriage didn’t work out, I need to be realistic about my chances here. I’m not saying none of us have ever had a good second marriage. I’m saying that the statistics show my chances with a “good brother” (if I marry within the community) are slim to none and I STILL CHOSE not to have kids with the last one. That, my friends, is commitment to my own personal ideology.

8. Why am I saying under 3 is bad? Because the situation (presence of kids) is so new. What had to happen for a dude to bail like that, or for the sister to bail like that, when the kid is in diapers or barely out of them and not even in school? How bad did it have to be, and why? I’m not saying no plausible excuse exists, and I’ve seen some great guys with older kids in divorce situations but if your kid is just born or barely, I’m scared and want to know why. Scared the same thing will happen to me. Tangentially, the same thing goes for dudes who go P. I’m disgusted by men with young children or pregnant wives who are “dying to fulfill the sunnah.” Um, don’t you think you should be focusing on your first family? I do, and I am judging you in private. And in public.

I get that relationships fail and sometimes it isn’t “anybody’s fault”, or sometimes good things fall apart in spectacular ways. I’m living proof. But kids add another factor to the equation where I start asking questions about the dude’s decision-making, motivations for having kids, and coping skills. Like I said above, I also think you owe it to your unborn to make sure you know exactly what the hell is going on when you bring a child into the world. Of course, the time is “never right” to have kids and if “some people applied that logic no one would ever have kids” yadda yadda yadda. I’m not willing to take that chance. The dunya is such that finances change, marriages change, but there is a difference between coping with a shitty situation -car accident, unemployment, late infidelity, y’all just don’t like each other anymore- and making a poor decision from the get-go, e.g. in a marriage where things were never right.

So yes brothers, y’all judge me. I’m judging you. And Allah knows best :)

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

Did y’all know I’m looking for a job?

1 December 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

So I moved to Zurich for a job. I don’t have that job any more. I’m still here, though. I have an apartment in Zurich and my center of interests has shifted to this part of Switzerland, so I’m not ready to hightail it back to Lausanne permanently because of one job that didn’t work out. Unless, of course, my dream job was in Lausanne.

What is my profile?

I’m a legal assistant with a strong background in accounting. I’m lucky that I have worked in a lot of different fields of the law for players at all levels. I’ve worked the longest in litigation and intellectual property, I’ve spent some time in-house and in firms, I’ve dabbled in contract management and Regulatory Affairs, I’ve been the only legal person in an otherwise non-legal department. So I can do the classic stuff- drafting, proofing, word processing, case research, tracking contracts through their lifecycles, chasing signatures, you get the deal. The time I have spent in-house has also given me time in accounting, mainly Treasury but also AR. I can use Movex and SAP.

Speaking of contracts, I am awesome at that. I make sure they are compliant, I make sure the right person is signing them, I make sure they get paid (royalties, milestones), I make sure they don’t expire (or they do, if that is what you want).

My computer skills are really quite good and exceed the basic requirements. I can rock your world at anything Office, and in fact have trained other legal secretaries in Word. I also worked as Tier I helpdesk for over a year. Do you need something typed fast? I type around 100 words a minute on a bad day, with peaks at 150, and have been reading lawyer scribble and taking Dictaphone for ten years.

Don’t let my very cute American accent fool you, my French is beyond business fluent both in written and spoken- please see my blog posts in French. Sadly, my German is basic. I can answer phones, sort mail and read letters but can’t promise more than that up front even though it is improving. I can sing along to Mani Matter songs if that counts for anything.

As mentioned above, I have a decent background in accounting for someone who is not in the accounting field. This could come in handy in a senior assistant position or in a small office where people where a lot of hats. I could run the accounting for a startup, for example.

Finally, I have done my time as a jack-of-all trades assistant for senior management. I can make coffee and do expense reports and filing and all that good stuff. But more on that below.

As you can tell from this blog and Twitter, I love social media. If you follow me on Twitter, you would also know I love the law. Where my personal and professional lives intersect is that I love the possibilities the web and social media give rise to in intellectual property. I can yap on ad nauseum about domain names, copyrights and who owns your twitpics.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I would love to work as an administrative assistant or office manager with a strong legal and/or social media manager or community manager component in a small-ish company or startup. I can handle the accounting and contracts of a smaller structure singlehandedly, and my office skills can take pressure off a small team- I can be the little mouse that takes care of the details while the rest of the team are doing their “real jobs.” While I haven’t yet had a position as a social media manager, I am the official social media manager of my cat, who was recently on television and who has a very high Klout score for someone who sleeps 18 hours a day. The skills are there. For the moment, my dream would be to stay in Zurich. Come March or April, I will have moved my affairs around enough to envision moving back to Lausanne permanently. I have the ability to be in Romandie during the week immediately, however.

So why don’t I have the Zurich job any more?

The short version is that it was a brand new position whose requirements could only be tweaked once all the players were in place, and the day-to-day reality of the position turned out to be not what I was recruited for, and not the best fit for anyone once all the puzzle pieces in the team came together.

It was a great learning experience, though. It taught me that I do not want to do “just” an admin job at this point in my career. I don’t mind- and welcome doing -anything that needs doing to make an office run more smoothly, but I don’t want a job where all I do all day is order taxis for people. I love helping out, making coffee, printing booklets and booking flights and so on, but the opportunity to use my extra skills is very important to me personally and professionally. I would be very sad to be again in the situation where a legal component was promised to me but I just wound up making copies and ordering taxis and doing nothing else. I love being the glue that holds an office together, but it is a fine line between doing the work nobody can do and doing the work nobody else wants to do.

Posted in gainful employment, Switzerland | 3 Comments »

Everyday Islamophobia

12 November 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

Some people buried a dead pig and some pig heads on the land of a mosque being built in Solothurn. Oh, and I forgot the 120 liters pig blood they poured on it for good measure. They justified their actions saying they were worried about the “rampant Islamization” of Switzerland.

For a short English article from Swissinfo on the topic, click here.

It’s a slippery slope from every day Islamophobia like “Well *we* can’t have churches in Saudi Arabia” and “Minarets are against the Swiss way of life” to burying dead pigs on mosque grounds. I’m just saying.

I get so tired of the lame ass Swiss excuses like “well ‘these people’ need to integrate and learn the language and understand how ‘the West’ is.” Stupid Oskar Freysinger made money off Muslims then dared hold his post-minaret vote press conference in the Lausanne mosque. And that’s supposed to be ok even when it is blatant media manipulation. No one asks for minarets and supposedly *we* are the ones Islam-izing Switzerland? What, was this mosque in Solothurn a Mecca Mega Mall mosque? Did we start a popular initiative for all women to wear headscarves? What is this “Islamization?” Come on people.

And maybe people wouldn’t put all Islamophobes in the SVP basket if all Muslims weren’t in the Terrorists on Welfare basket. I feel like I have to justify my existence every day when frankly all I have done in this country is pay my taxes and keep my head down.

The worst part is that I am a convert and what I go through can’t compare to the hell someone with a “Yugo” or an “Arab” name who may identify as Muslim goes through just by virtue of being “ethnic.” So it is all fine and good that people are quick to condemn the pig attacks as an isolated incident, but remember that next time you “tut tut” at a chick walking down the street in a headscarf. Slippery slope indeed.

I’m working very hard on a project this weekend but had to blog on this. It makes me angry.

Posted in don't mind me I'm bitter, Islam/Muslim stuff, Racism alive and well in Switzerland, Switzerland | 3 Comments »

Apartment Rant

31 October 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

It took me a month to find my current apartment (or six weeks depending on how you do the math), and it was the first one I visited. I’m SO HAPPY. It isn’t in town, but it has good bus and rail connections (am a half-hour max from downtown Zurich at any time) and the price is right AND I have a balcony big enough for a table.

Can I rant? After crossing the Rostigraben twice, I don’t think people here in Zurich realize how bad the housing situation in Romandie is for lower incomes and foreigners. In the past eight years I have looked for apartments twice in Lausanne and twice in Zurich. In Lausanne, three months of hustling (3+ visits a week) got me one place in the boonies, and one place that was a dodgy sublet. In Zurich, six weeks of halfhearted searching (including a couple of fun racist episodes) got me two legit places in decent locations which met most of my criteria.

It can be argued that the suburb where I live now isn’t exactly the most happening place and that is why I got my new apartment so easily, which is precisely what I mean: in Zurich, lower income people, L permit people, brown people etc, have the luxury of turning their noses up at a place in the burbs and saying “oh no, I wanna live in town.” In Romandie you have to take what you can get after months of looking and you have to spread your geographic net wide- I can’t think of how any desperate Geneva couch surfer would spit on a legit place in Versoix, or someone looking in Lausanne who would say no to Prilly. Yet people in Zurich can still work under the assumption that getting the dream apartment is possible.

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My Uncle

17 October 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

I was in a train headed for Munich when I heard the news. The curse of the expat is that no matter where you are, you are always too far away or otherwise in the wrong place when it comes to any major family event. My uncle had died and I had no one to turn to. I don’t think there is anything that has ever made me feel more alone than being in that packed train going to a strange city and realizing that he was gone.

The next morning I made it through my meeting (or so I thought, but apparently not, people lie, another story for another time) and went back to my hotel and cried. I’ve been a zombie ever since, stuck in survival mode. My grief is different in that for the past several weeks I didn’t give myself permission to feel and some would argue I didn’t have the time. Now it is all coming back to me.

I have had two family members die since the last time I went to the United States. So I am in this state of suspended disbelief where in my mind I can just pretend that they are there and I am here. But they aren’t there any more and aren’t coming back, and that makes me very sad. Losing them I am also losing pieces of my personal landscape. New Orleans, already scarred by Katrina, loses even more place in my memory with the loss of the people in it who were important to me. The truth is that I can never go back to what it used to be for me. I can never go back to my childhood. I can never go back.

I know I am one of the lucky ones. I got to speak to my uncle and say proper goodbyes. Not everyone is granted that. Some would say that he was in ill health and leaving was a blessing for him. But selfishly I want him back. I know he knew when he died that I loved him. My regret is that he didn’t know how much.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Holding on to those “just in case” clothes

27 July 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

Readers who yo-yo diet, I need advice for my VERY IMPORTANT FIRST-WORLD PROBLEM. I have come to the realization that I am too mobile to have this many clothes. I consider amassing clothes (and washing them all the freaking time) to be a lower-middle-class American thing and it is a trait I have brought with me to Europe. It is just easier to get cheap clothes of a decent quality in the US. Add to that the fact that not many European clothes come in my size (I’m a US 14 which is supposedly a European 44 which is technically a standard size, but, yeah, no… a US 14 is more like a 48 here, which is in Fat Girl store territory) and I have a tendency to hoard because I can’t easily or inexpensively replace items, especially jeans (H&M has my “size” jeans but in my experience their jeans last about three months on me). In the words of my roommate, the Fat Girl stores basically propose tent-like clothing options made of elastic and bright colors that have the added effect of making you look like Carlos. This also means that when I find something that actually fits and is socially acceptable or work appropriate, I buy in bulk. I’m less likely to throw away old or faded clothes because of the fear of not replacing. I have some clothes I brought over from the US five or even ten years ago that I cannot bring myself to throw away. Finally, my weight, in a given year, can vary up to fifty pounds, so I have everything from size 12 to size 18.

I made the first step in February and threw away all my size 20 clothes (we won’t talk about that *represses*). But still my problem is that I have an American-sized closet (aka 48 square feet) worth of clothes that I will need to get into two medium-sized suitcases and a European closet (around 27 square feet). Ideally, I would need to only use half or a third of the closet so that other people may use it in my absence (the closet is in Lausanne). I have thrown all the clothes in my room on the floor in a massive sorting frenzy (I am sure *someone* was shocked and disgusted last night when I made His Royal High-ness pull something off a high shelf in my closet) so that I may have a zen wardrobe before Zug.

In the goal of increased minimalism, I have already steeled myself to give/throw away: anything I haven’t worn frequently in year (and this goes for what is still in my ex’s basement), anything with holes due to wear, anything faded, and anything that just doesn’t fit right. In the same vein, I stopped buying makeup except to replace items a year ago and so I have also *drumroll* thrown away all perishable makeup products I am not using (lipsticks etc). I have kept all my powder products (which if stored and used properly, can last 5 to 10 years) but most will be stored until December. I have started purging my purses and shoes. My goal is between six and ten pairs of shoes (I have around 20 now). Purse-wise, I am getting rid of anything that does not hold all my crap or doesn’t stay on my arm well . I’m doing really good throwing away papers and crap too. I figure my salary statements show up on my e-banking, and paper-wise I am only keeping my original tax returns, pension fund crap and letters of rec, phone contracts, rental contracts, etc (in other words, I am getting five years of stuff down to dropbox and one classeur fédéral). Like all those who aspire to minimalist wardrobes, I need to get rid of my “just in case clothes”- those that I want to wear when I am thinner, those I am afraid to trash in case I get fatter, and those formal clothes I think I might need one day. I think I can pretty much meet my objective of 10 or so square feet of stuff in storage plus my suitcases, but I have four pieces of drama:

1. My wedding dresses. One is an embroidered shalwar kameez, another is a silk Moroccan caftan. I don’t like the negative associations with these items but, especially the caftan, I can’t bear the idea of giving them away. I should mention though that the caftan is white and looks like a wedding dress. I can’t decide if I will truly regret not having them, or if it is just another piece of my ongoing ambivalence about the whole divorce thing (aka hate the ex, but sad about the fact that I have a failed marriage under my belt).

2. I have five pairs of size 12 summer work pants from the US that, in all honesty, are about 15 pounds from being able to pass my thighs and 25 pounds from really looking good on me. Brutal honesty, I have it. They are brand new and tailored to my inseam. Even if I did a crash diet (I can lose 25 pounds rather quickly and will likely lose 10 or 15 during Ramadan), weather-wise I wouldn’t get to wear then for about a year. They fall firmly into the “one day I will fit into them” category like so many other things I have already given away this month. I’m trying to be strong with myself and hold to the “if it doesn’t fit today lose it” rule but I know I will deeply regret not having these items next July if I happen to be thinner. I know for a fact that I can’t get the same quality for the same price in Europe, and I definitely can’t get the same cut, which looks good on me when the pants fit. I find work pants in Europe to be cut like MC Hammer pants: too long in the crotch and too tight on the ankle. The resulting effect makes me look even more Oompa Loompa than usual. These, on the other hand are boot cut and with a short waist to hip ratio. I rationalize that it isn’t like I am holding on to a size 4 or jeans from junior high or something and that being 25 pounds lighter this time next year is highly likely, but I am torn.

3. My (some are vintage) Petit Bateau t-shirts, some of which are too small: These fit both the “don’t technically fit” and the “old and have holes” criteria. I have some bought last year which fit at the time but are tighter than I would like at this weight (I could technically wear them but it wouldn’t be my best look), and I have some old ones which date from WHEN I LIVED IN MONTPELLIER (before some of you were born) that I use as sleep shirts. I already threw away one which had gaping holes in the elbows but I’m honestly at about 20, half old and half new. The new ones I got at the outlet, I couldn’t resist. I just can’t. Not Petit Bateau.

4. I can handle janky towels (to an extent, as long as I don’t find random body hair from other people on them) and janky sheets (I often keep old sheets on the bed if I know I am going away so that Pablito can smell me). I am only taking four towels and two sets of sheets to the new apartment, but one thing I cannot live without are fresh washcloths. The kind that smell like they have been washed in 200 degree water. I use at least one a day and usually two. When I would go to Algeria I would hand wash everything else but bring enough washcloths for the whole trip. I don’t know how to zen out my washcloth stash if I only have washing days in the basement twice a week. Handwashing them not an option because I can’t wash hot enough to de-funk them to my liking and you can’t over bleach towel fabric. Specifically, I don’t know how you want me to use something I used on my feet (or other places) on my face the next day, or for several days. Especially if it can’t dry out. I just can’t. Thinking about it makes me shudder.

My current plan is to store the new Petit Bateau and the work pants in the same bag in storage, together, and keep them until next spring, thereby breaking all rules about zen wardrobes and minimalist living. I figure giving them another year in limbo would add more credence to admitting the fact to myself that I have to part with them eventually. If I magically fit into them, I can take out the bag from storage as is. I have no solution for my decidedly first-world washcloth drama. I am still at a loss for my wedding dresses.

Posted in bag lady redux, finding me under an overpass one day | 9 Comments »

Goodbye, Lausanne

24 July 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

I have accepted a job outside of Zug.

In August 2005, I was quite sad to leave our tiny apartment in Kreis 4 for Lausanne. Now in August 2011 I will make the trip back alone in the other direction, this time to Zug.. After six years in Lausanne, I can’t say I am as sad. In fact, moving to Zug (or more precisely, outside of Zug) makes me feel like the weight of the world has floated off my shoulders and far, far away where I can no longer touch it. Tangible problems I was worried about literally vaporized in the space of 24 hours.

While I have been blessed with some very good Lausanne-based friends and a sprinkling of good memories, my time in Lausanne was quite trying and was more often than not very painful. It got to the point where the good could no longer outweigh the bad. And it shows. My diminished demeanor, the weight gain and assorted health problems, and an overall sense of anxiety I could never completely shake off. Lausanne had turned into a bad boyfriend for me, one I wasn’t really happy with but I didn’t want to admit wasn’t the one for me.

Yet I am still reticent to leave and dive completely into a new life across the Röstigraben. I finally now have my “own apartment” in Lausanne (no small feat in this rental market), I don’t know what to do about my taxes, and I don’t know what to do about the seemingly endless separation/divorce procedure. So I am holding on to one of my apartments in Lausanne until December and hoping for the best. Maybe 2012 will be my year. Even though I said that about 2011 too.

I have learned a lot about myself over the past six years in Lausanne, especially in the last two. I have learned that I’m not that nice, I just don’t tell people what I really think. I have learned that my tolerance for bullshit is, in consequence, a lot lower as well. I have learned I no longer have the time or patience for one-sided friendships or relationships or those in which I am judged unfairly. I have learned that I am the one who has the best ideas on how to live my life.

On a lighter note, I’m looking forward to living somewhere FLAT and riding my bike (Lausanne= San Francisco of Europe). When I am not on my bike, I will love love LOVE the excellent public transport in that part of Switzerland. I’m looking forward to being closer to friends who were far away. I’m looking forward to no longer being subject to France-French corporate culture and office politics. I’m looking forward to learning more German. Most of all, I’m looking forward to having a chance at a job where I have a real mandate and purpose.

But all those happy thoughts are on hold because I am even MORE excited about Ramadan next week. I feel so blessed right now and spiritually ready to face the coming month.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Things I am loving lately

9 July 2011 by Nicole Cunningham

Since I haven’t updated in EVER, what better way to start than with some girl talk. Despite the rainy and cool weather we have had in Switzerland, it is summer, and that means -at least for me- bronzer, weekend getaways and lazy days lounging around. So what I am digging this summer follows those themes.

1. I am LOVING LOVING LOVING my Kindle. Now I am a luddite in the sense that I do like the feeling of actually holding a book, but the reality is that I have been reading since I was two years old and I go through books like a bulimic on a pasta binge. Most of my drama on trips involves how many books to bring or buy. For example, the last time I flew to New Orleans, I brought four books and had finished all of them by Atlanta. So the Kindle has been an endless source of reading material for me. The thing that sold me the most was seeing my friend Marisa’s. Like I said, I like books, and I look at a computer screen all day, so an e-reader didn’t really do it for me in principle. But what I dig about the kindle is that my screen is matte- it isn’t shiny like a computer or an ipad. My eyes don’t hurt reading it. Another BIG reason for an expat in Switzerland to have a kindle is that books finally cost less than highway robbery. Paper books here are between 20 and 50 francs (equivalent in dollars) depending on language (English books costing more). On amazon.de, my kindle books, in the language of my choosing, cost roughly what I would expect them to cost on paper in the US and about half what they would cost in Switzerland. So it was an economic choice for me as well.

2. My Shopper e1 fleur schwarz from Reisenthel. It is around 20 euros in Germany and according to my BFF who got it for me in Texas, about 20 dollars at either Bed Bath and Beyond or the Container Store in the US (can’t remember which). Don’t let the price fool you, this is a solid bag. It is meant for shopping so has an extension panel which doubles its’ size. I use it as a purse, as a weekend bag, as a computer bag, as a grocery bag. During the week, it gets used as a purse sans computer. When I go grocery shopping I just expand the inner panel and voila, no need to bring a separate shopping bag with me. When it isn’t expanded, it is just the right size to hold my daily crap (wallet, makeup bag, kindle, pashima, sunglasses, tube of sunscreen, five million tubes of lip balm…) and expanded, I can pack for a weekend plus computer. I’m so surprised at how solid this bag is for the price. It wears like a Longchamp. In the month I have had it, it has gone on a trip every weekend with no strap drama, zipper drama or space issues. For those of you with big arms like moi, it fits comfortably over shoulders, even with coats and sweaters (I told y’all it has been cold here lately).

3. I have professed many times before my undying love for Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse. I use it as a night cream on my face, as a moisturizer for my legs, as conditioner when I am travelling…but other than that I haven’t explored too much of the Nuxe line. In Nuxe’s new organic line, I picked up their lip balm on my last trip to Montpellier. While nothing will ever make me drop the petrochemical goodness that is Carmex (addiction is a killer), I do like to use “natural” products as the bottom layer of whatever products I am using. This balm is amazing. It soaks in well,lasts overnight, I haven’t had any reactions to it, and it doubles as a cuticle cream. If you can get your paws on it, I highly recommend it.

4. Avene makes a purse sized SPF 50 sunscreen which is available in Europe. I’m whiter than a ghost and I just can’t spend time in the sun, even over lunch on a patio, without at least SPF 30. THe problem is that I don’t think sunscreen is very good for your skin because it blocks pores. So my usual plan of attack is to wear long sleeves and a scarf in the mornings and evenings going to work, and if I get invited to lunch, slap on some sunscreen on my face and hands. As mentioned above, I just carry sunscreen around with me. I’m that white (I also carry around a hat with SPF fabric but that is another story). So despite arguments on price per quantity, I am very happy with my ergonomic little tube of Avene and its lip balm cousin.

5. I have two old ass bought on sale pairs of repetto ballerina flats with rubber soles and not the plain leather sole that you can only wear out on perfectly dry days. Brown pair and black pair. Been wearing the heck out of them. Life is too short for cheap ballerina flats. But please y’all, don’t do like the white trash swiss teenager on the train with me the other day, wear knee highs or socks or something. And if you don’t want to wear a layer between you and your shoes, please don’t take off your shoes, stink up the entire wagon and proceed to flick your toe jam like she did.

6. Each summer my love for my vintage Matsuda prescription sunglasses is renewed. You can read a little bit about the line here. I have a vintage pair snatched up for around 60 bucks on sale ten years ago at St Charles Vision in Metairie. It was when I was poor and working at Starbucks. My brother bought my new glasses, my mother put the lenses in my old pair for a spare, and I bought the sunglasses and frames (and proceeded to eat pasta for a month). Every couple of years I get new lenses put in (as my prescription changes, because blood sugar and thyroid drama always mess up nearsightedness) and every time the optician waxes philosophically about how they don’t make glasses like that any more. Indeed.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

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