Yes, I am a man-hating cat lady, I own it. I really, really own it this time. I only aspire to be the ignorant, bonbon eating fake convert housewife.

After my last post, some brother hit the salafi trifecta with me: I was acting like a “polytheist”, making apologies for the “polytheists” and said that I was generally ignorant of the religion. Oh, and btw, I also “must have been having my period” and was an “angry housewife.” If he had read the post he would know that I wasn’t making any claims to deen at all, but about Muslims. Reread my last post and replace “gay” with “hijab.” I feel the same way about hijab. I personally believe that hijab is mandatory in the religion. There are sisters who believe wearing hijab is not mandatory, but that doesn’t mean that sisters (LIKE MYSELF PART TIME HIJABI FTW AHEM) do not have the right to exercise personal choice and free will in choosing to wear it. If someone comes to me and says they can back up how they believe, I know that I don’t have enough knowledge in the religion to come back at them. The only thing I CAN control is what I believe. I’m only responsible for other people’s deen insofar as making sure I give them their rights as Muslims and as human beings. I’m not responsible for changing their minds if they think eating Skittles is ok or something.

The earlier today, a brother who supposedly is “here to make dawah” called out a dear brother in an insulting manner. Again, it wasn’t about being gay, or skittles or is kosher halal- the phrase I took offense to was Dawah Brother saying “well if you were Muslim you would understand.” Well guess what, he’s not Muslim and he doesn’t understand. But don’t lord over someone like you have exclusive knowledge just because you’re Muslim. And being Muslim doesn’t mean being a close-minded asshole. Being Muslim doesn’t mean telling others how to be. Being Muslim means CHECKING YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WANNA GO CHECK SOMEONE ELSE.

And while I am talking about men, permit a tangent on the brothers. If I ever, ever, EVER get married again, the brother of my choosing will be someone who is first and foremost worried about his own deen and less worried, or not at all, about judging others. Sadly, I have yet to find a brother like that. The “practicing” brothers I meet are hijab police, and the “non-practicing” brothers sit around and judge on stuff like purses and coffee and clothes. We’re all different, that is what makes us human beings, and if you spend your life trying to make people be just like you, and judging them if they aren’t (which goes double for spouses), this world will be a boring, lonely place. People ask who my dream guy is? It isn’t the cute guy with the degrees or the one with the bling car or the summer house in Back Homelandia? I don’t fucking need that, I already had the looks and degrees and money guy (FAIL) and I have my own money and status. I live in Switzerland, this kind of brother is a dime a dozen. NEXT. I’m so tired of these boys talking about how girls need to be perfect, I don’t need men to be perfect, I’m not looking to raise myself through my marriage, I give myself everything I want. I’m just looking for an interesting human being who is easy to talk to and be around who isn’t judgemental. I could marry a garbage man if only I saw someone who spends more time worrying about himself than worrying about other people’s biznass. My only criterion. I’m so for real, you don’t even know it.

My limited knowledge of deen, I own it, because guess what: do any of you brothers practicing Teh Hizlamz know how many years of study it takes to be proficient in deen? Maybe that’s why I don’t go around like some people googling Bukhari and arguing finer points of deen just because I have a few audiotapes? But not knowing a lot doesn’t mean I’m not Muslim and not knowing a lot doesn’t mean I don’t know what I do know. And what I do know is that Islam teaches me to not treat people like assholes. And I am tired of people telling me in my righteous indignation in the face of injustice that I am the one who has to have sabr but it is ok to act like an asshole in total impunity. It’s ok for some judgemental brother to call me ignorant, call me a housewife (if only!) and almost accuse of me of kufr, but if I get mad because you are making my religion look bad, I need to “calm down” and “stop committing gheebah.” Have y’all ever noticed that when someone acts like an asshole, it is because s/he is “enjoining the good” but when you call the person out on being an asshole suddenly you are committing “gheebah”?

So, brothers (and might I add no straight brothers commented on the previous post)- I wasn’t saying that being gay was right or wrong because it isn’t my point to argue. What I was making a call on is how we need to treat people. And for that, I will judge you, because I am tired of being judged. What defines Islam as the final monotheistic religion isn’t hijab or pig, it is, and will always be, about the adab and the tawhid. You worry about yourself first.